Blogging While Paused

where video game characters speak out

Posted by DonkeyKong On February - 1 - 2007 Comments Off

Forest life rocks. You don’t know how awesome it is to live in a jungle. It’s amazing. The only thing better then living in the jungle is a side scrolling game. You may think I’m a bit off the wall with this, but I’m serious. Side scrolling is great, I don’t see why they don’t do more of it. Just because you can have a three dimensional world doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Don’t get me wrong, Donkey Kong 64 was an amazing game, but I’m still a big fan of the classics. The first original Donkey Kong Country was one of the greatest games to grace the world. (Just because I am a bias source doesn’t mean my opinion is useless!)

Those were the good old days, riding rhinos, swinging on vines, collecting banananananananas… Ah, bananas! I love bananas. I’m not happy with these new gigs that my agent is throwing my way… Donkey Kong-a? Get real! It’s like a bunch of drunk PR people came up with the “cute” (read: very not cute) idea to use my name as some sort of sick pun. My agent, being the kind hearted moron he is, signed up me up then goes to tell me that this game is going to take off like a NASA rocket! He was dead wrong, what more can I say.

Actually, I think the biggest problem came when Microsoft bought our Rare. I tell you, I had around 6 dozen apes and gorillas with picket signs trying to boycott the deal. We had internet campaigns and a ton of TV ads, the problem is first that apes and monkeys don’t watch TV or use the Internet. The second problem is that Microsoft doesn’t listen to animals, even if the Animals are capable of developing better software… …please don’t send me hate mail… …I really didn’t mean that.

Well, I’m off to go throw my drums in the trash… again…

Categories: Opinion

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