Blogging While Paused

where video game characters speak out

Posted by CaptainOlimar On January - 10 - 2008 Comments Off

Living with Pikmin is a love-hate relationship. The little critters are cute, completely adorable. They are also extremely helpful when trying to accomplish various tasks, such as carrying things. Sadly, they are dumber then a bag of sand.

However, one can only assume that they have the intelligence of a vegetable when you realize you have to pluck the things out of the ground before they can do anything and after you pluck them out they proceed to bash their heads against every solid object in sight. It’s no surprise that they all have applesauce for brains.

When scrounging around for pellets of compressed dehydrated Pikmin, or whatever they are, one might hope that the Pikmin would have a certain affinity or attraction to pellets of their own color. You know, the blue ones pick up the blue pellet and the red ones theirs, etc. This is sadly, never the case. If I find that I have a yellow pellet to take back to an onion, it will inevitably be taken by a blue or red Pikmin despite the fact I only called yellow ones to follow me. On the off chance it is grabbed by a yellow Pikmin, a blue one will undoubtably try to help out and in their wisdom they will carry it to the red onion.

Blue Pikmin are my favorite. I say this because you can take them anywhere you want without much worry. True, you must be careful of fire-ish things, but those are usually fairly easy to avoid. It’s true, red Pikmin are nice because they are a bit stronger, but bashing their heads against walls all day does something to their brains. It gives them a forgetfulness that is usually found in various species of canine. Just as a dog will forget everything it’s ever learned if it picks up the scent of a rabbit, one sight of an enemy and the red Pikmin will gleefully chase it into the water and promptly drown.  Yellow Pikmin, on the other hand are good for two things: blowing up large quantities of Pikmin and I don’t remember what the second thing was. Oh yes, blowing up themselves.

I may seem a bit harsh on the poor little critters, but trust me. If I didn’t have to babysit them all day long I could have escaped from the planet in under 10 days. Less then a week even! If they would only learn, just a little bit… just a tiny bit, I could simply set up chore lists for them to accomplish and have a set of each of them working all day at several landing sites and they could bring the pieces and set them right where I land my ship and I could go around and collect ship parts all day. Sadly, Pikmin do not learn. Not even a little bit. They are as stupid on day 30 as they are on day 1. I tried to teach them. I showed them examples. I did similar tasks with them over and over and over again. Each time they approached the ordeal as if it were an entirely new experience for them.

It’s hard to believe I survived 30 days with those creatures. It’s maddening, trying work with them. I think in 30 days I would be much more likely to die of a nervous breakdown then being exposed to Oxygen. Hopefully I’ll never have the chance to find out, right?

Categories: Complaint

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