Blogging While Paused

where video game characters speak out

Posted by CrankyKong On December - 22 - 2010 Comments Off

I always thought Nintendo was getting worse and worse with their new-fangled technologies coming out. I suppose I can understand adding more buttons to a controller, long as they’re all within easy reach. Not sure I’m ever gonna forgive ‘em for that broken-looking control stick they added on, or for the button hidden on the other side of that handle, but I guess they straightened it up a bit after that. But really, if they had to add even more buttons, shouldn’t they have at least kept them as buttons, instead of adding another control stick on the other side? Seriously, make up your minds, people!

This next generation of consoles is going even further out of bounds, what with their clunky motion detection controls, and their fancy touch screens… When I was in my prime, touching the screen could get you thrown out of the arcade! And I tell ya, these motion controllers have got somethin’ against me! My old trembling hands could handle those older controllers well enough (just well enough), but these new games always think I’m trying to activate some shake-based ability or something.

But now that I’m starting to see what the competition is, I’m stunned. Stunned that someone could take it in an even more bizarre direction. When I’m browsing channels at night looking for westerns, I’m running across commercials where people are falling all over themselves and calling it controls. Well, you’d better hope falling on the ground is some kind of super-ultimate-combo (or whatever you kids call ‘em), because if I have to put my cane down to play, that’s about all I’ll be doing. And I can only imagine how easy it would be to cheat with two-player simultaneous play…

What really got me going today was this commercial I saw where people were playing a racing game by pretending to hold giant steering wheels. Now, people… I’ve thought you looked ridiculous playing those games for some time now, and I’ve stood silently by and let you play however you wanted. But this… pretending you’re holding an imaginary steering wheel as a controller? Even Nintendo’s over-sized plastic accessory is a better choice than that! If you really want your game to be “immersive”, you should be able to feel what you’re supposed to be touching.

It still all seems like a bunch of balderdash to me, but I expect to see a little more effort out there from now on! How about an upgraded version of the Zapper? One that still doesn’t need a sensor bar, please…

Categories: Complaint, Opinion

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