Blogging While Paused

where video game characters speak out

Posted by Mario On April - 6 - 2011 1 Comment

Well, if you saw the princess’s castle from the outside, you’d think it was a sturdy, well-built, artistic piece of architecture made to last for ages, right? It looks pretty nice from the inside, too. They really went all-out with the stained glass windows, plush carpets, ceiling-hangings, fancy mirrors, and all those portraits. So… I ask you… Why didn’t they spring for a decent set of bricks?!

I know they don’t look that bad. They keep them nice and white-washed and everything. Still, just underneath that shiny exterior, the sturdiness is a joke. It’s better in some places than in others, but it needs constant repairs just to stay standing! Who do you think is responsible for those repairs? I’ll give you a hint: it’s not a Hammer Bro.

When I’m at home, I usually shudder when it starts raining. I just have to hope nothing comes apart before I get a chance to fix things up. We’ve had more walls fall apart because of rain than we’ve had attempted break-ins. Repair’s not an easy job, either. I sometimes have to glue broken pieces back together, then wedge them back into place. There have been times when I’ve tried to seal things up only to find out that there was no cement holding that section together in the first place! I don’t know what contractor we called to build the castle in the first place, but he seriously got paid too much.

You might think this is the sort of thing I’m not supposed to talk about publicly, but it’s no secret. The Mushroom Kingdom castle is the joke of the royalty in the surrounding areas. I remember once there was a large gathering where–for no apparent reason–the entire North wall fell apart like a bunch of Legos. Everyone just stopped talking and watched it. And you’d think the birds outside were just waiting for it to happen, because they were awfully quick to swoop in and help themselves to the refreshments.

I’m no fan of lousy masonry, but if there’s one good thing that comes from it, it’s this: all the money they don’t spend to buy better bricks goes straight to me.

Categories: Complaint
  • Zeldamaster2

    You must be quite rich, counting all the times bowser broke in.