Blogging While Paused

where video game characters speak out

Posted by Cloud On April - 13 - 2011 Comments Off

“Don’t go fight Sephiroth.” “You’re not ready to fight Sephiroth.” “Sephiroth is sooo hard to beat.”

So I don’t always listen to you, fine, but you know what? I want to make my own mistakes. And you know what? I have. I’ve made a lot. That’s right, a lot, how many of your friends did you have killed today?

I thought so. Now shut up and listen.

I will tell you right now, Sephiroth is not scary, not difficult, and definitely not a threat to humanity. This monster couldn’t attack a stone statue. (trust me, I know. Tifa has been petrified for half an hour, the useless… … Anyway.)

Sephiroth is a vain minded, beauty motivated, egotistical, brain dead, pansy. I’ve been fighting him for an hour and let’s take a look at his last 10 moves: heal, heal, heal, attack (for 800 damage), heal, heal, heal, heal, heal, and heal. Thats right. In the past 10 minutes he has attacked me for 800 damage and healed himself for over 60,000 health points.

Tifa is frozen and I think Yuffie is taking a nap. (Insert eye-roll here.) Barret, Vincent, and I are actually doing pretty well together as a team. That said, for every 5000 damage we do, Sephiroth heals for 6500+. This guy is harmless. I say we leave him in this crater and go enjoy the rest of our lives on a nice beach. Goodness knows we’ve collected enough gil by now.

So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to release Bahamut on Tifa and then get out of here.

Categories: Complaint

Comments are closed.