Blogging While Paused

where video game characters speak out

Archive for April, 2011

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Challenger Approaching: New Console

Posted by Luigi On April - 27 - 2011 Comments Off

Those executives and their secrets… It’s getting so it’s hard to leak anything to the public anymore. Well, your speculation is as good as mine at this point, but we know for certain that Nintendo is releasing a new console soon. To whom it may concern: Re: Wii’s successor system Nintendo Co., Ltd. has decided to launch in 2012 a system to succeed Wii, which the company has sold 86.01 million units on a consolidated shipment basis between its launch in 2006 and the end of March 2011. We will show a playable model of the new system and announce more specifications at the E3 Expo, which will be held June 7-9, 2011, in Los Angeles. Sales of this new system have not been included in the financial forecasts announced today for the fiscal term ending March 2012. There’s lots of rumors flying around about this “Project Café”, so allow  [ Read More ]

Categories: News
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Why We Hate Hacks

Posted by Ness On April - 20 - 2011 Comments Off

All right, so there are these things called hacks out there, all right? They change how a game works. See, the problem with that doesn’t really come into play for you gamers. Sure, it might mess up your game a bit, crash the console, whatever, but think of us for once, okay? Next time you want to change how I look so you can play as someone who looks a bit like Jeff, don’t, all right? His glasses are so thick that they stop bullets in mid-flight. My eyes hurt for hours afterwards. I mean, sure, if you want different music options and the like, fine, be my guest. We need more music. But for the love of all things holy, stop messing with us characters. We work our butts off daily to give you gamers a good time, usually by beating each other up. We’d really appreciate you making  [ Read More ]

Categories: Complaint
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Stop healing you vain monster!

Posted by Cloud On April - 13 - 2011 Comments Off

“Don’t go fight Sephiroth.” “You’re not ready to fight Sephiroth.” “Sephiroth is sooo hard to beat.” So I don’t always listen to you, fine, but you know what? I want to make my own mistakes. And you know what? I have. I’ve made a lot. That’s right, a lot, how many of your friends did you have killed today? I thought so. Now shut up and listen. I will tell you right now, Sephiroth is not scary, not difficult, and definitely not a threat to humanity. This monster couldn’t attack a stone statue. (trust me, I know. Tifa has been petrified for half an hour, the useless… … Anyway.) Sephiroth is a vain minded, beauty motivated, egotistical, brain dead, pansy. I’ve been fighting him for an hour and let’s take a look at his last 10 moves: heal, heal, heal, attack (for 800 damage), heal, heal, heal, heal, heal, and  [ Read More ]

Categories: Complaint
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Castle Maintenance

Posted by Mario On April - 6 - 2011 1 Comment

Well, if you saw the princess’s castle from the outside, you’d think it was a sturdy, well-built, artistic piece of architecture made to last for ages, right? It looks pretty nice from the inside, too. They really went all-out with the stained glass windows, plush carpets, ceiling-hangings, fancy mirrors, and all those portraits. So… I ask you… Why didn’t they spring for a decent set of bricks?! I know they don’t look that bad. They keep them nice and white-washed and everything. Still, just underneath that shiny exterior, the sturdiness is a joke. It’s better in some places than in others, but it needs constant repairs just to stay standing! Who do you think is responsible for those repairs? I’ll give you a hint: it’s not a Hammer Bro. When I’m at home, I usually shudder when it starts raining. I just have to hope nothing comes apart before I  [ Read More ]

Categories: Complaint