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where video game characters speak out

Archive for the ‘Opinion’ Category

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One minor thing

Posted by Master_Chief On August - 28 - 2011 Comments Off

You know, few people truly understand me. It may be from the fact that I don’t speak, let alone explain my reasonings. Do you think I enjoy headshotting grunts for hours a day using a high caliber sniper rifle? Don’t get me wrong, I do. Most of the time. Sometimes, I come home with a sore shoulder or blown ear drums or yet another set of plasma burns. Trust me, that gets old really quick. Then, of course there’s the occasional misfired rocket. You try sleeping with the feeling of falling at terminal velocity and you might know how I feel. So, next time you slide Halo 3 in and pick up a controller, try to consider I might want to have a day to myself.

Categories: Opinion
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Of Hammers and Stuff

Posted by KingDedede On March - 23 - 2011 2 Comments

Okay, now some people (who will remain nameless, Meta Knight) have been asking me why I use such an ‘impractical’, ‘dishonorable’ and ‘clunky’ weapon as a hammer. And why I don’t use a more ‘honorable’ and ‘king-like’ weapon such as, say, a sword. Listen. I’m the king. I’m not going to let whats-his-face-orn or whosit-idas tell me how to be a king. A king that lets someone tell him what to do ain’t a king, he’s just some idiot with a crown! No! I’m a king, a true ruler. And I wanted to forge my own legacy, and I chose the hammer to do that with for a good couple reasons. First of all, those little hammer things that judges use? Gravels? No, gales? No… okay, gavels! That’s what they’re called. Anyways, those things, when they come on down on the little wood thingy (I’m not up to looking that  [ Read More ]

Categories: Opinion
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Ripoff!

Posted by Wario On February - 2 - 2011 Comments Off

Earlier this week, I decided to rent Super Paper Mario. I just wanted to see what the hubbub was about, I didn’t intend to get all the way through it. The game turned out to be a lot shorter than I expected, though. It looked like it had a lot of back-story. (Well, a lot for a Mario game, anyway.) It took about 5 minutes before I got control of anything; everything before that was setting up the plot. That’s what I thought, anyway. The first control I got was a guy asking me if I wanted to save the world. I just chose the natural choice. “Of course not! I don’t wanna!” What happens next? It’s the end of the game. I’m told the world will be destroyed, and I see “Game Over” on my screen. I paid five dollars to rent this?! And there are people who pay  [ Read More ]

Categories: Opinion
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Who’s the Controller?

Posted by CrankyKong On December - 22 - 2010 Comments Off

I always thought Nintendo was getting worse and worse with their new-fangled technologies coming out. I suppose I can understand adding more buttons to a controller, long as they’re all within easy reach. Not sure I’m ever gonna forgive ‘em for that broken-looking control stick they added on, or for the button hidden on the other side of that handle, but I guess they straightened it up a bit after that. But really, if they had to add even more buttons, shouldn’t they have at least kept them as buttons, instead of adding another control stick on the other side? Seriously, make up your minds, people! This next generation of consoles is going even further out of bounds, what with their clunky motion detection controls, and their fancy touch screens… When I was in my prime, touching the screen could get you thrown out of the arcade! And I tell  [ Read More ]

Categories: Complaint, Opinion
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Now isn’t a time to argue, is it?

Posted by Kirby On December - 15 - 2010 Comments Off

It has been a while, but when I came back from Patchland (yep, that’s where I have been, due to a evil wizard named Yin-Yarn, who had sent me to Patchland in a magic sock, and transformed me into yarn, but that problem’s taken care of), there happened to be a lot of arguments from the main Nintendo Characters. First off, I agree with Ness that us “little heroes” should have more games (That also goes to the Ice Climbers and Lucas). Link should also have more games, but do sports and party games really fit the medieval time in Hyrule? That’s up to Link. True, Mario’s appeared in a lot of games, but that doesn’t mean that I disagree with him. His games are famous throughout the years, and it isn’t going to change.  Still, I sometimes wish I was a playable character in Mario Kart, but it doesn’t really matter… If that  [ Read More ]

Categories: Complaint, Opinion
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Best of the NES

Posted by CrankyKong On March - 4 - 2008 Comments Off

Picture this for a second: a set of graphics distinctly exclusive for video games, a simple set of two buttons, title screens that come up in a second without lengthy intros, and more variety than you can fit in six feet of sandwich. That’s right, I’m talking about the glory days of a system we now know as the Nintendo Entertainment System. Games released for the NES boasted simple design schemes, unnecessary uses for the Select button, ambiguous mysteries with single solutions and few clues, passwords, and instruction books you were actually expected (but not required) to read. As you can well guess, it was brilliantly put together. Choosing a set of five best here is not an easy task, and if any of you ingrates actually know five games from this time, feel free to formulate a top five of your own. As for this old monkey, I’ve chosen  [ Read More ]

Categories: Opinion
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Cranky Cubed

Posted by CrankyKong On February - 26 - 2008 Comments Off

It’s that time once again. Cranky Kong here, bringing you the greatest of the latest with the top five Gamecube games in circulation. The Gamecube is beginning to bear some semblance of me: it’s getting old, it’s getting tired, and Nintendo thinks it’s time for it to retire. Not being quite as energetic as me, the ol’ system has decided to step down, meaning no new games are being produced for it. However, with the list officially complete, that means I get to make your judgment for you and pick the five most meaningful meaningless games it has! Where I thought the Nintendo 64 was bad, the Gamecube got even worse. Instead of giving up and going back to the reliable methods of the previous age, the programmers followed through on their endeavors and smoothed out their danged 3D workmanship. Characters could now have five fingers on each hand. In  [ Read More ]

Categories: Opinion
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I like to golf…

Posted by Bowser On February - 23 - 2008 Comments Off

I don’t know what they have been putting in the air these days, but it sounds like somethings going around about Mario and I going golfing on the weekends. Apparently there is a big hubbub over this or something. I don’t know much about what the whole argument is, but I just thought I would chip in and say a few words on behalf of golfing, mainly because I like to golf. I like to golf. Golfing is a good sport. You get to enjoy nature for what nature is, see the clouds, the trees, the birdies. You get to walk for several miles and shoot the breeze with your comrades. It is a great way to relax and have fun. If you’ve never tried it, I would suggest that you go out and give it a shot sometime. (Pun intended.) Or, if you don’t have a nice sunny day  [ Read More ]

Categories: Opinion
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RE: Ness, the reason you fail…

Posted by Link On February - 22 - 2008 Comments Off

That is so typical Mario. You are so pretentious. You think you are this great big huge amazing guy. Just because you’ve been around so long, you think your all that. Well, your not. Well, at least, I don’t think you are. First off, if you had any clue as to how to treat your enemies you wouldn’t have to worry about them kidnapping the princess every 37 minutes. When fighting your enemies: Use a weapon! Bouncing on their head is not going to stop them. Trust me, you need a sword, or a boomerang, or a bomb, or a slingshot, or for pete’s sake man, even a net would do. Yeah, yeah, I know, you finally got up the courage to pick up a squirt gun. I’m sure that scared off all the 2nd graders that had kidnapped the princess. Stop playing golf with the person who is responsible  [ Read More ]

Categories: Opinion
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Evil old Cranky left out the Metroid game!

Posted by Samus On February - 20 - 2008 Comments Off

Excuse me Cranky, but have you even picked up a Metroid game? I don’t think you have. I think you have an issue with the female video game characters. I think that is what your problem is.  ”But the themes are very, very dark, not like sunny old Super Mario.” Dark, you accuse me of having a “dark” theme? Excuse me, the entire HUMAN RACE IS BEING DESTROYED BY ENERGY SUCKING ALIENS!!!! That’ll make a great cheerful story. Yeah, “sunny old Super Mario,” unlike Mr. Mario, I’m not in the habit of spending my weekend golfing with beast who keeps steeling the princess. I don’t have a trust complex. I know who my enemies are and I kill them. But what really irks me is this whole “dark” theme. What’s so dark about Super Metroid? You think “A Link to the Past” wasn’t dark? I thought the whole “Dark World”  [ Read More ]

Categories: Opinion