Blogging While Paused

where video game characters speak out

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One minor thing

Posted by Master_Chief On August - 28 - 2011 Comments Off

You know, few people truly understand me. It may be from the fact that I don’t speak, let alone explain my reasonings. Do you think I enjoy headshotting grunts for hours a day using a high caliber sniper rifle? Don’t get me wrong, I do. Most of the time. Sometimes, I come home with a sore shoulder or blown ear drums or yet another set of plasma burns. Trust me, that gets old really quick. Then, of course there’s the occasional misfired rocket. You try sleeping with the feeling of falling at terminal velocity and you might know how I feel. So, next time you slide Halo 3 in and pick up a controller, try to consider I might want to have a day to myself.

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Not a great idea

Posted by KingDedede On May - 25 - 2011 Comments Off

All right, I’m willing to admit it. Let’s chalk the “Gourmet Race” up as one of my worst ideas ever. I thought I had everything set up nicely. I figured that my opponent would be distracted by all the food in such obscure places. That would give me a chance to run the straightest path to the goal and grab the moderate amount of stuff that was along the way. I made sure that winning the actual race was worth a lot more than just the food. The thing is, though, for a blob that does nothing but eat and float, Kirby is… a lot faster than you would think. He ate EVERYTHING! AND he won! Look at what it’s done to me! I’m burning a lot of energy out there with no food to make up for it! I must have lost at least 15 pounds since we started.  [ Read More ]

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Not a great idea

Posted by Kirby On May - 18 - 2011 Comments Off

Okay… So a Gourmet Race sounded like a good idea at first, but it turns out there’s some problems you wouldn’t think of until you try it… I love the idea of it–you run around and eat as much as you can in a competition. Should be great, right? Well, sometimes you have to eat things so quickly you don’t even get a chance to taste them. And considering how fast I like to eat, that’s saying something! The other problem is that once I eat, I usually like to take a second to… you know, enjoy it? Savor the taste, let it start to digest, stuff like that… You don’t get a chance to do that while you’re racing. Even when you finish, you usually have to go straight to the next race before you get a chance to rest. After the last one, I got sick for the  [ Read More ]

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Being a Villain isn’t easy.

Posted by Ganondorf On May - 11 - 2011 Comments Off

It may seem simple enough. You invade a country, capture a princess, things like that. But the things that you go through behind the scenes are hard. Running Hyrule while some kid in a green tunic is ruining your plans is not simple. Especially when you go through all the trouble of releasing those things. Have you ever tried to revive an ancient fire dragon while at the same time trying to organize your minions? Or release a monster amoeba to freeze a race of people under a block of ice? It isn’t easy. And when the hero comes and destroys all the work you’ve done, it’s aggravating. There are a lot of times where I wish I could have just gone out to find Link before he had what it took to defeat me. But I was always busy with other things. If it wasn’t letting yet another monster  [ Read More ]

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It pays to be a fairy

Posted by Navi On May - 4 - 2011 Comments Off

When you first look at me, you don’t see much, do you? I don’t look like a threat to anyone, and even when I’ve tried to be intimidating and get right in someone’s face, I’ve heard them say it was just like having a bug in their face once my back was turned. (That sort of talk hurts, by the way. Knock it off.) I don’t need to be big or threatening to be useful, though. You non-smalls out there probably never even think about the sorts of things I can do every day. Sure, I’m pretty good about helping you keep an eye on swift creatures that would hurt you, and I can tell you everything you want to know about them (and lots of stuff you didn’t even know you wanted to know, too!), but I can do a lot more than that. See, think like a spy.  [ Read More ]

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Challenger Approaching: New Console

Posted by Luigi On April - 27 - 2011 Comments Off

Those executives and their secrets… It’s getting so it’s hard to leak anything to the public anymore. Well, your speculation is as good as mine at this point, but we know for certain that Nintendo is releasing a new console soon. To whom it may concern: Re: Wii’s successor system Nintendo Co., Ltd. has decided to launch in 2012 a system to succeed Wii, which the company has sold 86.01 million units on a consolidated shipment basis between its launch in 2006 and the end of March 2011. We will show a playable model of the new system and announce more specifications at the E3 Expo, which will be held June 7-9, 2011, in Los Angeles. Sales of this new system have not been included in the financial forecasts announced today for the fiscal term ending March 2012. There’s lots of rumors flying around about this “Project Café”, so allow  [ Read More ]

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Why We Hate Hacks

Posted by Ness On April - 20 - 2011 Comments Off

All right, so there are these things called hacks out there, all right? They change how a game works. See, the problem with that doesn’t really come into play for you gamers. Sure, it might mess up your game a bit, crash the console, whatever, but think of us for once, okay? Next time you want to change how I look so you can play as someone who looks a bit like Jeff, don’t, all right? His glasses are so thick that they stop bullets in mid-flight. My eyes hurt for hours afterwards. I mean, sure, if you want different music options and the like, fine, be my guest. We need more music. But for the love of all things holy, stop messing with us characters. We work our butts off daily to give you gamers a good time, usually by beating each other up. We’d really appreciate you making  [ Read More ]

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Stop healing you vain monster!

Posted by Cloud On April - 13 - 2011 Comments Off

“Don’t go fight Sephiroth.” “You’re not ready to fight Sephiroth.” “Sephiroth is sooo hard to beat.” So I don’t always listen to you, fine, but you know what? I want to make my own mistakes. And you know what? I have. I’ve made a lot. That’s right, a lot, how many of your friends did you have killed today? I thought so. Now shut up and listen. I will tell you right now, Sephiroth is not scary, not difficult, and definitely not a threat to humanity. This monster couldn’t attack a stone statue. (trust me, I know. Tifa has been petrified for half an hour, the useless… … Anyway.) Sephiroth is a vain minded, beauty motivated, egotistical, brain dead, pansy. I’ve been fighting him for an hour and let’s take a look at his last 10 moves: heal, heal, heal, attack (for 800 damage), heal, heal, heal, heal, heal, and  [ Read More ]

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Castle Maintenance

Posted by Mario On April - 6 - 2011 1 Comment

Well, if you saw the princess’s castle from the outside, you’d think it was a sturdy, well-built, artistic piece of architecture made to last for ages, right? It looks pretty nice from the inside, too. They really went all-out with the stained glass windows, plush carpets, ceiling-hangings, fancy mirrors, and all those portraits. So… I ask you… Why didn’t they spring for a decent set of bricks?! I know they don’t look that bad. They keep them nice and white-washed and everything. Still, just underneath that shiny exterior, the sturdiness is a joke. It’s better in some places than in others, but it needs constant repairs just to stay standing! Who do you think is responsible for those repairs? I’ll give you a hint: it’s not a Hammer Bro. When I’m at home, I usually shudder when it starts raining. I just have to hope nothing comes apart before I  [ Read More ]

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How Could Capcom do this to Me?

Posted by MegaMan On March - 30 - 2011 Comments Off

This is an outrage! I thought I was doing well in Megaman 9 and 10. I thought I had impressed them in Marvel vs. Capcom 2 with my special attacks. But no, I’m ended up being excluded from Marvel vs. Capcom 3. I mean, it wasn’t bad in Tatsu-whatever vs. Capcom, one of my advanced forms appeared in it as a playable fighter, alongside Zero. But in Marvel vs. Capcom 3, I was never featured! This is the first time they excluded the series’ main hero in their entire history. I understand why Tron had to stay, but why does ZERO get to stay? He’s not Mega Man! Just because his colors can be changed to Mega Man X’s doesn’t make him the hero of the entire series. You know another mistake Capcom made? I’m replaced, but they let a zombie and a zombie killer fight? Chris may be good  [ Read More ]